Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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