so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
