I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
