Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
