Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
