Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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