Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
