I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
