I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
