if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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