Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
