Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize