In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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