what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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