can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
