He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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