Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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