6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
