FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
