Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
