separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
