Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
