She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize