My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
