So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
