I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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