Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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