I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
