just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
