I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize