hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
