Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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