I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
