Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
