Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
