Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
