he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
