You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
