ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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