I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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