R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
