He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
