aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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