I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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