Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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