the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
