as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
