if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
