i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
