Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
