how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize