Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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