During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The air taste purple.
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