What did we do last night that was yellow?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
