Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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