Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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