i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My dick has a subreddit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
