Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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