God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am available for nakedness
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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