I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
