paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
