please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
