I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
