am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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