i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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