he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
