just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
