DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
