you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
