For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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