I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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