Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
