I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
