"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
