Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
