Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize