you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
