is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
