I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
