I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
