this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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